Lessons Learned Through Rereading Old Blog Posts:

I just spent some time reading a bunch of old posts in this here blog dating back to the beginning of time! Cause we all know none of us existed before this blog. (At least I didn't...) And here is what I learned:

- I used to be WAY funnier. what has happened to me? I have totally lost my comedic edge. I used to say hilarious shit all the time, now i'm all "wah wah wah boys are st00pid, throw rocks at them!" UGH THAT SUCKS. from here on out, i vow to be funny again! Bring back the wit! bring back the sass! Jesus, Al...

- Wild Hogs is the shit.

- At one time, everything was so new and exciting! I was partying with all new people, making best friends, and sleeping with different boys all the fucking time. I need some spark in my life! Gutta get out there and try some new shit. Or something.

- James Franco is STILL the most beautiful man in the world. DUH.

- My obsession with Danny Devito can be a little creepy at times. But that isn't going to stop me from loving him. He is, after all, the fucking man.

- Using pictures in blog updates makes them WAY more exciting. I should take more pictures. Oh wait, fuck. I forgot that my digital camera got stolen. Mother fuckers. Gutta work on that. Also, work on getting a computer.

- Remember when I used to post party reports? I should go back to that. This is a party blog, after all. That was fun! I think that was when people still read my blog. I dont think anyone really reads it anymore. Its probably has to do with that not being funny anymore thing. D'oh. oh well!

- Smoking weed in a tent is fucking tit.

- I really, really miss the hot tub. So many fucking awesome and epic nights ended there. we really gutta get on finding a new one guys. well, there is one i know of, its just not walking distance from our houses anymore. Maybe its finally time I start riding a bike regularly. I really love hot tub parties.

- Drugs are cool. Working sucks. Babes are tight. Puppies rule.

I feel like that last line should be on my tombstone or something. It is like the ethos of my life. (haha i just used the word ethos.)

DA TROOF:

Here are some things that are TRUE about me:

- I get really, really bored when I stay in one place for too long. My brain is always thinking about what else I could be doing, where else I could be seeing, who else i could be kissing, etc. Its not that I don't love the people and places in my life, cause I do SO, so much but it always feels like something is missing. I'm just not sure what it is, and my instinct is to keep traveling around and experiencing things until i figure it out.

- I don't fit in anywhere. The crustys think im too hip, the hipsters think i'm too crusty. Mostly, everyone just thinks i'm weird. and i'm ok with that! cause its boring to be just like everyone else. i will wear colorful clothes and get shitty tattoos and wear dumb sunglasses and listen to blink 182 every day. i will love hot jamz and being dirty, i will drink as soon as i wake up and tell the world to suck it. cause its all about me being me. and never about me being you.

- my feelings get hurt really easily. i think most of the time, though, that people don't even realize they are being mean. or maybe they do and are mean to me cause they know i will forgive them. but either way, it hurts. especially when it is the people closest to you. i am of the belief that you should always try to be nice to not only those you love, but everyone. life is too short to be a dick!

- brody is the cutest dog in the entire fucking world. disagree and i will kill you! seriously. with my bare hands.

- i may seem kinda boy crazy on here, but im not really. okay, maybe a little. but you see the thing about me is, i was kind of a late bloomer. and it took me a REALLY long time to be confident with myself and my sexuality, then one day i was all "FUCK IT! i rule." a lot of people that have known me forever were all "kayla's gone wild!" but no, kayla has just grown up and i've learned a lot about myself and somethings about the world around me. i'm finally starting to get a grip on this whole boy/girl thing, sorta, i dont think anyone will ever have it down cause every situation and everybody is different, and i just like being honest about it. life is a constant learning experience, and how are we ever going to learn if we aren't open and honest about whats going on? things threaten my confidence every single day, and some days it is really hard to remember how awesome i am and that i deserve great things, sometimes its really fucking hard to say "fuck it", but luckily i have some good, strong, women in my life to remind me.

- mello yello is one of my favorite sodas. i really like soda. and candy. fuck i just remembered i have candy! ima go eat some now.

BYEBYE!

Remember when I used to write reviews?

Well, I'm gunna do it again!!!!

Limitless:

This movie was such a piece of shit. Bradley Cooper is a jack ass. I am glad that this movie only costs 6 dollars, and that Colleen paid for me, cause it was so terrible. IT WASN'T EVEN ABOUT ANYTHING! do not waste your time. UNLESS! you are going to see it cause your friends are going, and you really like your friends and enjoy spending time with them no matter where it is, then go see it, cause like whatever dude... at least you got to be with your homies. and that is how my night went.

Not having any weed while being stuck at your parents house in the suburbs:

DO NOT RECOMMEND!!!! this is the worst. even worse than that movie up there. i just wanna be hiiiiiiiigh. shiet, kid. at least my puppy is here and he is snoring blissfully on the floor next to me. what a babe he is. he makes it all worth it. but fuck man, i really wish i had some weed.

Fuck, I was really hoping that I had something I could give a good review of but i cant think of anything at the moment. That is not to say that I am not feeling awesome and posi, cause I certainly am but... OH! i got one!

Hanging out with really awesome friends until 5am:

YAY! this is my favorite thing to do. Last night Colleen and I drove to Boston, on the way there we ate ice cream cones! it was fun and wholesome, we did so while listening to "uptown girl" and both had a good laugh at the situation. (we were stoned.) Then we went to go see our friend Spencer from Olympia play a show in Cambridge, he was good, but the rest of the situation was pretty awful. Whats with people with acoustic guitars thinking they can play forever? This one bitch was all "i only have 3 more songs left, and one is the longest song i've ever written!" and she seriously should have been done like 2 songs before that. JEESH. anyways, then we went to go see comanche play at the wacky castle in allston, and they were AWESOME! some dude in front of me kept farting though, and that was gross. afterwards we went to hang out with ben henry, jake and sean. it was super fun! at one point someone mentioned something about fireworks and colleen and i were all "WE HAVE FIREWORKS IN THE CAR!!!" so then we went to a baseball field and lit a bunch of them and it was COOL! i love fireworks. then we went back to bfh and jake's house and did some drugs, drank some beers, etc. we also watched music videos! it was a VERY fun night. there was cream soda involved at some point. and then at like 5, colleen and i went back to joeys and fell asleep on his couches. woooo monday!

ok,that is all i guess. BYE!

What are you gunna do tonight?

TONIGHT I'M GUNNA PARTY!!!!

shit about shit and shit.

It has been a long fucking time since I have posted in here. A lot has probably happened. A lot has definitely happened. I could easily just sum it all up with "sex, drugs and rock n roll" but I suppose I will give you a few details. Actually fuck it, Im going to skip all the in between bullshit and just give you some tour highlights!



- there was TONS of free weed!!!! (i was considering just ending the entire post there, but i suppose i will go on.)

- we saw some guy accidentally spray gas EVERYWHERE at a gas station in like georgia or some shit. it was the funniest thing i have ever seen. it was just like that scene in zoolander.

- sxsw was the best, as usual. got to see TONS of homies. almost everyone i wanted to see! (almost). did some drugs, drank way too much all day long, got a free tattoo of a sailor jerry skull on my arm (haha), ya know... the usual.

- favorite cities: portland, seattle, moscow idaho, austin, philly, oxford mississippi, chicago and auburn alabama. but really every show was fucking amazing and a great ass time. oh also columbus south carolina, and gainesville! fuck, i love it all.



- some kid in like virginia or some shit gave us 2ce for free. we did it in philly along with acid, and smoking this crazy bark/barn shavings shit that was likened to dmt. it was nutso. and awesome. i had A LOT of fun this night. i just wanted to curl up in a little ball and be small and cozy. and that i was.

- we got to go to the subpop offices in seattle! it was so cool. got to meet some bigwigs, get some free things, see the nirvana platinum records and shit. it was preeetty rad. hardly art has a painting colleen did of her and i smoking a j hanging as like the sign to their office. i felt special. hardly art fucking rules, everyone there is awesome and i am so happy that they are the ones who signed colleen.

- there was also lots of babes. but after making out with a few of them, i am just left feeling kind of weird. i came to this weird realization while on tour that i actually want to be dating someone. i haven't really felt that way in a long time. but in Philly i took A LOT of drugs, and listened to Willie Nelson for a ridiculously long time and it made me contemplate things. That sounds hilarious, but it is true. My heart ached because I knew that no one's heart was aching for me. and that is sort of a devastating feeling. I kissed a boy I shouldnt have in Austin when I was near black out drunk. That sucked. then i also slept with a boy in austin, it was whatever. i dont really have any feelings about that. he was clearly just trying to get back at his girlfriend who had broken up with him that night and i did not know about. i met a boy in chicago who i thought was perhaps the most beautiful boy i had ever seen. ever. i still think that. god damn he is so hot. all i wanted to do was kiss him for a very long time. we did kiss, but then we stopped because he had a girlfriend. (see a reoccurring theme here?) this one stung the most. he also lives far away, so it would be sort of impossible anyways. but hes just so rad, and such a fucking babe. sigh. i fell in love. he was very nice and respectful in the situation though, and his girlfriend is a lucky lady. the last boy that i had some sort of anything with though left me feeling the weirdest. he was the one that made me come to this weird realization about myself, that i feel like im just some fun party girl that boys end up cheating on their girlfriends with cause i am care/drama-free and they think its easy, but they never want to date me. and that is a terrible feeling to have. i know that i project an image of that of a homie, which i am to the core, but i also just wanna like... be loved and shit. ya know? oy vey.

- there was also tons and tons of really cute puppies and silly kitties. and every single one of them that we met was awesome! also, all the humans we met were tight too. lots of waffle house. lots of beer. so many laughs. so much fucking fun! YAY! i wanna do it again.

- now i am in boston, which is awesome because i love everyone here. but also feel as though i am ready to get back to oakland. and hop right in that knifey spoony van and go on tour again! life feels better in motion.

Get Money, Get High

I am about to embark on a fairly epic journey of sorts. Train hopping and hitch hiking to Denver, where I will get a 25 dollar flight to New York. Then working in New York (city? state? im not sure! i think its city. i hope its city...) slanging Christmas trees. Should be interesting, definitely going to be cold. Then home for xmas, then the Knifey Spoony east coast tour, then NYC for new years, back to boston for a few days, then iowa to see rayray's family (with possible stops in a few places), then back to Oakland! whew. It should be fun though, I'm mostly just amped to make a bunch of money in a short amount of time. Not tooooo psyched about the winter weather, but i'll make do. Hopefully there are hot boys there.

I've been getting to spend a lot of time with Colleen lately and that makes me happy! She was here, then I went to L.A. and now she's here again! YAY.

Its kind of a weird time for me to be leaving because i'm finally settling into my room at Locos, but homegirl needsa get paid. My room is no longer full of trash though! However, Earl the mouse is still afoot. I think he's cute, but I don't want him running over my face while I sleep.

The other night we had a spacebag/spaghetti party. i didn't eat any spaghetti but i sure did drink a lot of spacebag. (and whiskey.) and then i puked a bunch! i had also eaten a weed brownie, ima blame the puke on that. i keep trying to hit on this boy and only being slightly successful. he seems into it, but something holds him back. its been this way for months and months. whatevs. maybe we are better just as friends anyways, cause it could get messy with other people and all that jazz. he's just so damn cute!

How funny would it be if I came back from the tree job as a buff crusty? hahahaha. imagining it is really hilarious. the other day, crystal, nigel and i were taking bong ripzzz and laughing really hard at this idea. picture me with a dread mullet! and ripped arms! hahaha oh its so good. i would never do that though, dont fret my little ones.

I wish I had weed. Fuck that person that stole my purse with over $150 worth of weed in it. FUCK THEM SO HARD. but not in a sexy kinda way. in an ass rape kinda way. I just wanna take a bong rip. or 7.

This entry is boring. SOWWWWWWWWWY.

Cock Talk

I don't know why I'm awake right now. I'm just sitting here in Erica's bed, wearing Erica's pajamas, and using Erica's computer. I've been facebook stalking people for the past 3 or so hours. Not really sure why, I didn't get anything out of it. No sense of satisfaction, no feeling better or worse about myself and my life, nothing. nada. zilch.

Life back in Oakland has been strange. I can never understand why boys are such a main focus in my life. Why do we all do this to ourselves? Focus so much on sex and relationships and all this bologna. Why can't we just be happy with what we have in front of us? I've fucked 4 boys since coming back from Montana. None of it really meant anything. It never really does. And thats not a bad thing, nor is it a good thing. I think I'd really like to sleep with a boy and have it actually mean something to me, but I can never seem to find him. I always think that maybe things will be different with this one, but they never are. Lets discuss:

Boy 1: I slept with boy number 1 twice right after getting home from Montana. He was nice and funny. I never expected to sleep with him, it just kinda happened. and I thought to myself after the second time, "oh, maybe this is a boy I can sleep with regularly." I didn't want anymore than that, I just wanted a boy to sleep with when it was convenient for both of us. But two days later he was trying to fuck just about any of my lady friends. Typical. I probably would have even slept with him again, after letting him make me feel bad about myself, and even after I proclaimed out loud to Crystal "never again!". Typical. But, I have not slept with him again and I try not to say never, but I think this one should stay in the "friend zone" for many reasons.

Boy 2: Oh, boy 2... he was brown, he was crusty and he was sexy. even with his bad facial hair. I met him at Victory. I was talking to Rayray and she was talking to his friend, he looks at me and says, quite quizzically, "who are you?" right in that moment, i knew if i hung out with him that night we were going to hook up. Lo and behold, he gets into the same car as me and away we go. We partied pretty hard at old punk rock tony's house and the next thing I know he is sitting in between his homeboy and myself looking at me like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. then he kissed me. we kissed and kissed and kissed, and finally went downstairs and fucked for a really long time. everyone saw us, we didnt care. the cops came in the middle of it. the cops saw his dick, saw my tits, we didnt care. he kissed every part of my body. he made me feel like he never wanted to stop touching me. then finally we took a break and went upstairs to hang out some more, that lasted like 30 minutes and then we went downstairs to fuck again. he gave me a now and later, actually, he gave me two, one for now and one for later. we hung out the whole next day getting drunk, before he left he gave me 3 kisses and wrote down my address, said he'd be in town "a while." I figured that meant an actual while, but I forgot he was speaking crust punk language and that meant like 4 days. i saw him twice when he was supposed to already be gone, and the first time he could not have cared less. i felt like shit. the second time, he kept staring at me, kept lingering close by waiting for me to say or do something, but i was shy. and then we hugged goodbye and that was the end of that. at first i was kind of bummed, but really, i dont need any sort of attachment to a crusty, travel punk anyways.

Boy 3: I actually met boy 3 on the same night I said bye to Boy 2. Boy 3 is the hottest of the bunch and the best in bed. He is so fucking hot, and so funny, and has a big dick. Our hookup was sort of a set up through a friend, and sort of not. We hit it off though, and made out while watching freaks and geeks. and then we fucked for hours on the downstairs couch of my homies house. he was sweet, and we laughed and smiled and had a lot of fun. his smile takes up his whole face. i'm a sucker for a big, goofy, grin. he was the first boy in a long time that i actually wanted to attempt to hang out with again. i had this plan, i was even going to give him my number, but then in the morning we awoke on the smallest couch in the world, and i really had to pee. i crawled over him, and when i came back it would have been so awkward to crawl back into the tiny spot i was laying in, so i gathered my clothes and slowly started to get dressed. i couldnt find my underwear for a really long time, so stood around texting colleen and babyc for a while. eventually i found them, woke him up, kissed him goodbye and left without leaving or receiving a number. dumb. this boy was so, so cute. he told me i tasted like "bubble yum" and smiled every time i kissed him. and kissing him felt so right and so good. i haven't kissed a boy in a while that it actually felt right with. theres usually something off, but with him everything fell into place. i've only seen him once since and i blew it. per usual.

Boy 4: is a boy that I've slept with a few times before. i'm not really sure what my deal is with him because i'm not even super attracted to him most of the time. i like the way he talks. and hes nice, and funny. and he booty-texted me. i was sad about other boys, so i went for it. it was good, it was actually the best of the 3 times we've slept together. we had fun. but i don't know, this one definitely had the least feelings involved. this was primarily just getting my proverbial dick wet.


I don't even know where my head is at these days. My crusty superlove was in town the other day, and i think i said a combined total of 10 words to him. This is like my ultimate boy since moving to Oakland. the one that makes me nervous. makes me run away. but also makes me do things i never do, like drag him into a bathroom and make out with him hardcore. god, he's such a babe. i still have never slept with him, and i want to more than anything. i need to let him go though. its never gunna work out and i know it. thats the problem though, im so tired of it never working out. when will it ever go the way i want it to? what is it that i have to change?

honestly and sincerely, i just want a boy to be nice to me and mean it. for once.