Last night was weird. Or maybe its just me thats weird. I'm not entirely sure at this point. Life has become a whirlwind of drugs, vaguely familiar faces, and relatviely cute boys. Its not that last night wasn't fun, cause it sure was, but something felt... off? Lets recap and try to figure this out.
- There were the drugs. That often has the potential of making things weird. I felt like I could have done blow all night and not even been high. Which is strange, because I had already snorted some MDMA and was doing hella blow.
- Maybe its cause it wasn't the party of my dreams. Where was the room full of 20 hot naked boys? Where was the ultimate dance party? Where were the smiles on everyones faces? (Parisa - I could write a book on the perfect party. Maybe I will...)
- Speaking of boys. I've discovered that it sometimes feels like all any night needs to be a success is flirting with a cute boy. and ultimately sleeping with that boy. But that is bullshit. It shouldn't be that way. Some nights its not. Some nights all that matters is your homies and laughing til your faces hurt with them. Thats when life feels really good. When you can sit around with your best girls and boys and just all be in love with each other. Nothing feels better than that. So, then why does a night feel like a failure if you don't get laid? Perhaps it's some deep rooted need for a sense of validation. Maybe its because you just don't want to wake up alone. Or maybe there are those nights when you just need to lose your mind in something other than drugs. You need that escape from reality and into another person, to forget about the world around you and only see the eyes looking into yours, only feel the body on top of you, only care about whats going on physically and push out everything thats happening mentally.
- More on boys: I'm tired of boys who get weird. Look, the girl you fooled around with the other night when you were both drunk is not always looking to date you. It is not that easy to "dickmatize" us. (That phrase has recently come into my life, shout out homeboy.) We aren't all crazy bitches who assume just because we made out a little that now were a couple. Stop trying to make us feel bad or weird. I don't know how many times I have to say it, but sometimes sex or hooking up really is NBD. Its a mutual attraction, or a need for the touch of the opposite sex, or its just wanting to get your dick wet, whatever-- its not making love, its fucking.
I guess last night wasn't really different than any other night. I cannot pinpoint why it felt so weird. It was probably all that weird coke that was left on the table. At least we got to hear Kyle and Erik's rendition of "Kissed by a Rose."
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